Things Women Can't Do #2

That's right, it's time for good ole' Ike to enlighten you again on some things women can't do. Last time I discussed why women are horrible musicians, but now I feel I should move off of their creative ability (or lack thereof) and move onward toward a few issues that bother me a shitload more. The first thing women can't do is:

GET THE HELL OVER THEMSELVES

Seriously. Women have an opinion of themselves that is so ridiculously high that it would make me jealous if I were competing with a man. Thankfully, I'm competing with a creature that was created solely to serve me, so it's not as disheartening, just moderately insulting.

How are women so full of themselves, you might ask? You didn't ask that? Well fuck off, I'm telling you anyway. Practically everything women do shows how fucking far they have their heads up their asses. For instance, whenever I'm watching a TV show that manages to distract me from how miserable I am and how responsible for it the female gender is for it, I'm, usually taken back into reality by some horrifyingly disgusting commercial about tampons, maxi-pads, feminine itching cream called Vagisil (I seriously wish I was making that up just for a laugh) or some other horribly disgusting problem God smote women with because he felt they needed to be humbled just a bit more. What's so arrogant about this is women feel that they can just advertise products for this nauseating garbage on EVERYONE'S TV. There could be young men out there that just switched over to homosexuality because of these commercials, and women don't give a shit. All they care about are their stupid bleeding snatches.

And speaking of bleeding snatches, have you ever noticed how women claim to be so much more in control of themselves than men, even going as far as to make ridiculous statements such as "If women ran the world, there wouldn't be wars"? That's a pretty goddamn arrogant thing to say when I see women blow up at me for no fucking reason and then write it off as "I'm on my period" or "My birth control pills are messing with my hormones" or "You just punched me in the back of the head for no reason! Of course I'm pissed". Here's a little tidbit of info for you, ladies: Men have hormones, too. However, instead of blowing up for no reason and then writing it off as some ambiguous bullshit that some men (myself included) aren't even sure exists, we manage to keep our hormones in check. Example: Guys, ever have a raging boner for no reason and you're just looking for some hot (or in some more extreme cases, any) ass to plow? You don't just go up and rape the first living thing you see, do you? Of course not. You fill the first thing you see up with alcohol until she's inebriated or unconscious enough to let you do what you want.

Women are constantly prone to violence whenever their so-called PMS is bothering them. Which brings me to the next thing women can't do:

FIGHT

Women are quite possibly the shittiest fighters I've ever seen. Looking for proof? Here's a video of how a women fights one of the weakest opponents imaginable: another woman.

Conversely, here's a typical video of how most men fight when they're confronted by a deadly colossus.



As you can plainly see, men are superior fighters. And just in case you're wondering, I've also constructed a computer-generated image of what it would look like if a man were ever to fight a woman.



I feel that my point needs no further emphasis.

This article, as well as many other kickass ramblings of equally kickass writers can also be found on NO MA'AM