Christmas carols are shitty

Christmas carols suck. I've been working tirelessly, scrubbing shit stains out of the filthiest women's bathroom in the world, and during the entire time I have to listen to fucking shitty christmas carols by idiots who wish they were crooners. "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" in particular pisses me off. If people just said the lyrics to you, you would beat the shitbag down with a fossilized dinosaur egg.

Think about it. It starts off all polite wishing you a merry Christmas. But then it goes into immediate demands for figgy pudding. What the fuck is figgy pudding?! I have no idea what that is, but even if I had it, that's no way to get it from me. In my house we use a little word called "gimme that, shit-snatcher!". And then they say the won't leave until they get some. Oh, you won't leave, will ya? At this point I like to go get some ceramic pigs covered in liquid shit that I keep in the freezer for this kind of occasion and throw the diharrhea-covered crafts at those greedy little future syphilitics until they all die. If they run away, I get in my car and run the little fucks over. Maybe this will teach them to get a job and quit trying to get food out of a hard working janitor like myself. Fucking beggars.