A deeply personal article

While in the ass-kicking city of LA, I realized it had been a long time since I have seen something really badass. With my copy of The Suffering: Ties That Band sitting at home, I was forced to improvise. That's when I saw Doom.

Holy shit, this movie kicks ass. It's even cooler than the Doom comic that came out a number of years ago. It starts out like any good movie should, with some bitch dying and getting her arm cut off by an automatic door. After that The Rock and his crew decide they haven't shot something in a while, so they head off to Mars to see why this bitch died. They get to Mars and start shooting shit for a few minutes while some chick that nobody likes has to gather information from some computers. Throughout the whole movie The Rock has the look of "I want to kill this goddamn whore for being such a nerd" scrawled all over his face. He manages to hold back for a while, and they find out that all these badass monsters are actually people, the nerdy chick starts crying about how it's wrong to kill them. So what does The Rock do? He puts a gun in one of the creatures mouths and fires without hesitation. Owned, bitch.

After that, The Rock grabs a giant-ass gun and says it's time to go back to earth and kill all the people there under the excuse of "They might be contaminated". And that's exactly what happens. The Rock and the remaining assholes on his crew that haven't been killed yet get back to the station and split up so they can murder more people in a shorter period of time. When they all gather back together, the dipshit young guy tells The Rock that there is a room full of women and kids. When The Rock finds out that dipshit didn't kill them all, he shoots him in the throat for being a pussy and goes to kill them all himself with his bare hands.

I'm not sure how the movie ended, since all the gratuitous violence made me nearly bust a nut in the theater, but I'm sure it has something to do with The Rock breaking the nerdy bitches legs for no reason. Get the fuck out of here and see it.