Finally! An insurance company for pussies!

I hate Esurance. I could cut+paste the phrase "I hate it" into this article for 12 hours without stopping and not fully express the extent to which I fucking hate Esurance. Nobody with a shred of grey matter inside of their skull would EVER use this company. I don't know exactly if they offer a good deal or have good customer service, but their commercials are enough to discredit anything they say forever.

To expose the horrifying stupidity of Esurance, I need only bring up one of the ads as evidence. The ad features their pink-haired mascot (because nothing says "let's nail the anime nerd and raver demographics at the same time" like a cartoon character with pink hair) and her poorly-voiced sidekick fighting some kind of tree-killing robot thing. Apparently the robot is uprooting an entire forest just so some other insurance companies can have paper. After spewing off a few lines about how esurance is all done online, they jump into a hybrid car and speed away.

I really wish I was just making that up to sound silly.

Apparently nobody at Esurance never learned that printing your insurance card out at home also uses paper. Right now some of you are probably arguing "But since all your applications are done online, it uses less paper!" Wrong. Do you think paper is just sold by the single sheet? The smallest quantity of paper I ever bought was a stack bigger than my already gargantuan cock!

Besides, who would ever want to use less paper in the first place? Last time I checked, paper is made from trees. And if there's one thing I've taught you, it's FUCK TREES! Trees suck and so does anyone who wants to "save the environment" by killing less of the sickening green bastards. Hybrid cars are total bullshit to boot. They pollute less, but they still pollute, jackass. God dammit, I HATE the environment!

Yes I realize this update was short and poor in quality. Go suck a cock.