General list of people I've seen on the LA Metro who could use a life-threatening bash to the skull

Sure, it's not the most graceful of titles, but I feel it gets the message across. People on the LA Metro have been pissing me off lately. And by lately, I mean constantly, even before I ever knew the LA Metro existed. SInce it would take forever to list them all, because LA has 8 million people and I don't have time to copy-paste a whole bunch of names, I'll just give a general list that pretty much every one of these mutants falls into.

1. The fucker who thinks he's allowed to talk to me

Excuse me, Jack McNoboby, but did I add you on MySpace while I was drunk? Get the fuck out of my face and go sit in the corner where the homeless guys like to piss. This guy has the potential to be the most annoying one of them all, and he would be if he appeared more frequently. He randomly starts up conversations with strangers, trying to write off his personality as "friendly" instead of what it actually is, which can be more articulately classified as "desperate for companionship because he is the kind of shithead who would talk to strangers on the Metro and think that they care". Every once in a while he'll run into another one of his kind and they'll start jibbering on like two blithering idiots with some kind of horrible cerebral infection. The only way out of this situation is impossible without the aid of pair of brass knuckles, but a nice set of brass balls can be used as a substitute. Be sure not to let the driver see you knock the two little shits out, unless you want the driver to think you're awesome.

2. The fucker who makes comments about my shirt

I don't recall asking you what you think about my shirt, asshole. I know it's funny. That's why I bought it. Because it makes ME laugh, not because I wanted to entertain you. Quit while you're behind. This guy can sometimes fall into category one as well, since he's probably a friendless retard who watches far too much MTV as well. I'm gonna start wearing a t-shirt that says "By reading this shirt, you have given permission to beat your ass if you make any comments regarding it. Too fucking bad, you already read it." Then when some moron asks me "Is that shirt serious?" I can whip his ass for asking too many questions. I might just start carrying a hammer around for just this purpose. Fuck that. I WILL.

3. The fucker who's on her way to a protest

I use the pronoun "her" in this paragraph because it's usually dried-up hippie haglets who are on their way to protests because they have completely meaningless lives, so they feel that meaningless protesting will actually make a difference in their meaningless crusade against their obvious lack of worth. Honestly, when is the last time a protest really worked? Ever? The kind of people who go out and march around with stupid little signs are the kind of people who think that the shit that happens in the Matrix movies is actually plausible. This week a bunch of fucking idiots are going to protest about a block away from me during the state of the union speech. Why? Do they actually think that George Bush is going to be delivering a speech, and them some guy will come and whisper in his ear, and suddenly, his face will change and he'll exclaim "No! This is all wrong! I never should have done this! Damn you Dick Cheney!" and we'll just pull every last troop out of Iraq, and nothing bad will happen over there without any type of police force to help control a newly developing government? Come, now. And speaking of Iraq, some of the signs I've seen protesting the increase in troops say shit like "3092 U.S. dead, 100's of thousands of Iraqis dead". That sounds like a pretty good toll on our side if you ask me. Think about it. We've been over their for four years and we've managed to wipe out 100's of thousands while only losing about 3100 on our side. The only reason I'd protest sending more troops in is because it seems like 10 rednecks with a super soaker could handle them. What was I talking about again? Aw fuck it, this rant's gone on for long enough. I'm gonna go make a sandwich.