Napoleon Dynamite SUCKS!

Napoleon Dynamite is a piece of shit. Everywhere I go I see billboards with that dumbasses face plastered all over them, and I hear people quoting that atrocity that Jared Hess dared call a movie. People act like it's fucking hysterical. Saying that it's genius. NEWS FLASH: THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE!

If you have had the privelege of not seeing it, here's a quick synopsis:

Now that you're caught up, we can move onto the assholes that actually like this movie. People always tell me "It's funny because I knew people just like that in high school". No shit? We all knew people like that. They were called assholes and in real life they would get the shit kicked out of them and go on to accomplish nothing in their adult years, just like God intended. I have been told things like "You just don't get it". Oh, well that must be it. It can't be that the movie sucks ass and nobody wants to admit they got suckered into wasting 2 hours of their life by seeing it. I just don't get it. In other news, THERE IS NOTHING TO GET! I'm also sick of these assholes that say, "I didn't like it the first time I saw it, but then I watched it a few more times and then it was funny". This means that not only are you stupid enough to see a piece of shit multiple times, but in order for the movie to be funny, you must rot your brain away by watching it again and again until you are stupid enough to laugh at it.

And last, but not least, we have these assholes who wear t-shirts that make references to the movie. Such as the loserly "You're just jealous because I've been talking to girls on the internet all day" shirt, or the even shittier and more clichéd "Vote For Pedro". Whenever I see someone wearing one of these shirts, I rip their kidneys out through their nipples using a fishing pole and make them drink my steaming diarrhea, knowing that they won't ever be able to piss it out now that they don't have kidneys. Fuck Napoleon Dynamite, and fuck anyone who actually laughed at it the first time they saw it.