J.K. Rowling sucks ass

Recently, J.K. Rowling released her latest mediocre tome Harry Potter and The Who Gives A Shit. I, like most people with any remaining shred of their own thoughts, decided not to give a flying fuck about this book. However, many people who still are suffering from the genetic condition known as sum fuckus bardus, or being a fucking idiot actually cared.

Why in the hell do get so amped about Harry Potter books? The same thing happens in each book.

- Harry hates his family, and so they lock him up and beat the shit out of him for being so ungrateful
- He goes off to wizard school not realizing he's going to go straight to hell for being the heathen bastard he is
- (insert mindless filler here)
- Nobody gives a shit
- Harry goes home to get punished for being an asshole
- The End

You can finish the 700 page "epics" in about 6 hours if you're reading at a liesurly rate. Why in God's name do so many fully grown adults line up around the fucking block dressed up like wizards in anticipation of the newest children's book? Give me a fucking break. The book isn't even that good. Oh, and just in case you haven't read the book yet...

SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!

There, now that we pissed off anyone who actually cares about the plot, let's get back to my correct opinion. There are much better authors out there who don't get nearly as much respect or recognition as Rowling. You don't see people dressed up as a fucking psycho when Clive Barker's new book comes out. Nobody goes around cursing like sailors and being funny as hell when George Carlin's new book comes out. I could only wish that people will line up around the block dressed up like pirates and lumberjacks when Maddox's book comes out.

J.K. Rowling can get flash-fried and dumped in the sewer with the rest of the turds, for all I care. I urge you to pirate her book out of spite. Just to make sure she doesn't make any more unjust amounts of money. If you e-mail me (Dumpster.Keepr@gmail.com), I will personally send you a PDF copy of the book for free. No strings attached, no viruses, no nothing. Just the book, and the great feeling of satisfaction you will get knowing that you have stolen from somebody who deserves it.

UPDATE: This guy is a fucking hero. Why can't you be more like him?