God dammit, Sam

Why is it everything is turning to shit? Kelly Clarkson gets to keep making records, Thilo's piece of shit site actually gets traffic, The Playstation 3 is constantly getting pushed back. Up until now I thought things could not possibly become shittier.

That is up until I found out that the last real-life badass has had his bitch-slap gland removed, Of course I speak of none other than the man formerly known as the coolest man alive, Samuel L. Jackson. Why did he decide to make The Man? How fucking much money did they dump on his driveway? Did they dope him up before they pitched it to him? Did he lose a fucking bet? WHAT HAPPENED?! There is no logical explination for Sam to do a movie of such suckitude with such a douche bag actor as his co-star! Eugene Levy reeks of suck! He wears dumbass glasses, he was in ALL 3 American Pie movies, HIS NAME IS EUGENE!!!! Why Sam? Did you feel you had something to prove? We knew you were cooler than Eugene Levy!

Things could not possibly suck more than they do right now. Of course by saying this I AM jynxing it. If you find me hanging from my cieling by a piece of extension cord, just look at the newspaper in my hand with the headline "Courtney Love Wins Miss Hot Bitch Of The Year Award" grasped in my cold, dead fingers and you won't have to ask why I did it