Let's meet one of my classmates

It's time to hear about one of my many interesting classmates. Let's hear about him, shall we? His name is Stanislav, and the dude hails from Kazakhstan. And he has the biggest Tom Cruise boner I've ever seen.

Seriously, I'm impressed here. I've never seen someone who likes Tom Cruise more. It's crazy as hell. This one guy I knew who had gay sex with Tom Cruise (or at a least a dude who kind of looked like Tom Cruise) in a filthy alley near the L. Ron Hubbard Library after the premiere of Mission: Impossible 3 while kicking the shit out of Oprah said that the dude in my class likes Tom Cruise more. I don't have any evidence to prove this, but I did manage to get a comment from Tommy Boy himself.

Anyway, He might deny it up and down, but I know this dude is a communist. I mean, how much more proof do we need? He was born in Russia. I don't think any more evidence is needed. But I got some anyway, just because I'm that thorough. First I tapped his phone line. And there was this one call he made where he was talking to a RUSSIAN dude, in RUSSIAN. Come on, now, how much more do you need? I think I should stop typing this so I can report him to the NSA.