Fuck trees!

Today I was walking through the park. The leaves crunched under my feet as, stride by stride, the trees became taller and taller. The sun gleamed through the enormous branches and all of the woodland creatures gathered around me as I realized that trees fucking SUCK!

I'm getting mighty sick of all these fucking trees. I cannot go anywhere without being encountered by one of these sickening overgrown dandelion bastards. Trees are all over the place and people just lie back and accept it like some kind of asswipe. Who the hell came up with trees? All they do is sit around all fucking day like some kind of green slob on welfare! Who the hell do they think they are? Do they think that just because they produce oxygen, that means they can sit around and grow bigger and more stupid every day? Trees need to step down off of their high horses and come up with a better excuse for being lazy.

Get a job, you lazy dendroid assholes!

The only people who love trees are douche bag druids who go around masturbating to pictures of flowers or some shit. Druids act like trees are the greatest things on Earth. I have a question: If trees are so fucking great, how is it that they aren't smart enough to dodge a slow-moving axe? They aren't. They're fucking stupid and Paul Bunyan is a hero for cutting all of those little bitches down.

Trees are slowly but surely continuing to grow. It might be for some kind of massive conspiracy to take over the world, but I'm pretty sure trees are too fucking stupid to come up with anything like that. But just to be sure, I have started the anti-tree movement. The point of the movement is to destroy every tree in the world so we humans can finally take the fuck over.

And I know some of you earth-concious dimwits are probably asking, "But how will we get our precious oxygen?". Haven't you ever seen Blade Trinity? All we have to do is hold a few of them in some sealed warehouses and continue to harvest oxygen from them while we continue to kick ass for all eternity. That and I also plan to have Wesley Snipes bitchslap some ulgy-ass goth chick.