UTA needs a spoon to eat my ass

For those of you who are lucky enough to live somewhere besides Utah (LA, New York, Iraq, Hell), UTA is the Utah Transit Authority. They're in charge of all the buses and crappy trains that plague this wretched city. Since I am currently a dumbass with no car I have to ride the shitbox UTA buses to get to and from work. This is NOT a pleasent expierience. We'll start off on the long list of why UTA sucks with the man in charge: The bus driver.

This asshole has absolutley NO FUCKING CLUE what he's doing. Every morning I get up at 6 AM so I can make it to wok by 7:30, and this guy never fails to prove that there are actually people out there so stupid that they couldn't graduate from a Utah public school. I get on teh bus every morning, and instead of driving, he's always shooting the breeze with some old titbag with the dustiest crotch in the world. I don't know why this bus driver wants to bone her so bad, but it's blatently obvious that he does. He's always saying the worst things to, if he's not saying something incredibly racist, or planting his lips deep within the cornholes of the mormon church leaders, he's being just plain fucking stupid. This asshole actually gets pissed off at retarded people. That's right. He always talks about how he hates when a handicapped guy gets on the bus because that means he'll have to get off his fat, lazy, racist ass and help the dude buckle his wheelchair in. As if they could do it themselves? If they didn't crush a rib trying to lean over the armrests on their wheelchair to fasten the buckle (which is a mere 1/2 inch of the floor), he wouldn't know what the fuck to do because he is RETARDED. And then he says that the handicapped guys have poor work ethic and that's why they have to ride the bus. No, they have to ride the bus because the government fucks them out of money so badly that the bus is their only option. That and the the whole dead legs thing, you retarded turkey-fister.

Next we shall move on to the actual people who ride the bus. I want to know right now: Why do middle-aged white housewives ride the bus? They have the constant look of ever-present terror on their make0up smeared faces. And if that's not bad enough, they constantly stare at me like I'm wearing a t-shirt that says "The next Columbine Kid"! They aren't even staring in a polite manner, like looking out the corner of their eyes. They get a full-on direct glare at me. And then if I look over at them, they don't even make off like they weren't staring, they just keep it up. As if I'm not going to kill anyone now that this fat white lady is staring at me. Congratulations, desert-cunt, you've averted a disaster with the piercing glare of your "I hope my husband isn't fucking his secretary again" eyes.

Let's move on to old people. These are some of the worst individuals ever. And that's not even when they're on the bus. Old people should all be driven into coal mines where they will toil and slave for the rest of their limited days. Everyone wins, old people are no longer a useless burden to society, suckling on the social security teat until it comes up bone dry, and they all die. Sure, the old people don't win, but nobody loves them anyway.

And finally let's get to the sadistic, unrealistic fuckbrains who just LOOOOOOOVE to chat with EVERYONE! There was this one asswipe who tried talking to me on the bus one time. O was sitting there, listening to my MP3 player, which I had turned way up to drown out all the stupidity that would inevitabely squeeze into my ears and implode my brain if I didn't, and this asswipe next to me decides it's time to strike up the conversation with the one guy who most obviously doesn't want to talk. Didn't the long hair, lip ring, and ever-present scowl of contempt for humanity give you a clue that I don't want to talk right now? No, of course not, you'd have to have some kind of grasp of the obvious to notice that. Here's a script of the conversation that happened, we'll this guy Dumbass Terry, since I didn't want to know the titwillow's real name.

Dumbass Terry, Devourer Of Phalli: Duhhh, is that an iPod?

Duke Of All Ass-Kickery: No, do I look like a sucker? It's better than an iPod, and not overpriced because some shithouse band advertised it.

DT:DoP: Durrrr, urrrrppppp, iPods rule!!!

DoAAK: (throws Dumbass Terry out the bus window as everyone cheers at how badass he is)

So, to conclude:

-Everyone besides me sucks
-A fat, bald bus driver whose only aspiration in life is to bang some dried up old skeleton clearly has it better than a retarded guy who gets to go to camp and is given free t-shirts and hugs all the time
-We should nuke Salt Lake City