Viewtiful Joe is about as painful as a kick in the nuts

One game I had the unfortunate pleasure of playing was Viewtiful Joe. This game was so highly acclaimed, but in fact, it highly sucked.

First off, the main character's name is Joe. Yep. Joe. Not anything cool or original like Yar, or Turok, or to a lesser extent, Pac-Man, but Joe. Joe and his (good looking for a video game character) girlfriend, Silvia, are out on a stereotypical movie date, and was a lame movie anyway, and randomly, some weird fuck pops out the screen of the movie and kidnaps Silvia for some random reason. So Joe (still Joe) follows him into the movie world entitled Movieland, where he meets his hero, Captain Blue (who wears a gay little spandex suit which is blue) and gives him a watch called "The V-watch" and tells Joe he can transform into a superhero by saying "Henshin" (which means "Transform"). Then to gay it up, Joe changes it to, get this, "Henshin a go-go, baby!"

Shoot me now.

Then to ruin a perfectly awesome character, Camp-com goes and throws the bad ass half-demon Dante of the DMC series into the PS2 version of Viewtiful Joe. Sorry Capcom, even with that crossover, Viewtiful Joe still sucks. And if I ever, EVER see Joe in a DMC game, I will genocide.

Then to top it all off, this looks like a game that would appeal to children, but that's totally the opposite. This game has 2 difficulty settings, Kids and Adults. Kids sounds pretty simple, right? Well, imagine the Kids difficulty as the MGS2 European Extreme and the Adults difficulty as "Harder then being Solid Snake with a lifebar maximum of 1/4 fighting 25 Metal Gear Ray's all at once, and not 3 at a time, but all 25 at once." Kids and Adults think this game sucks.

And, fuck, they actually went and made a sequel to this piece of shit, and a GOD-DAMN CARTOON WITH THE SAME LAME GRAPHICS AS THE GAME! Capcom, stick with what your good at, Street Fighter II. Or stop milking Street Fighter II and MAKE A NEW STREET FIGHTER GAME, COCK GOBBLERS!

In conclusion, well, I can't really sum up. I said what needed to be said.

© 2005 by Econs
econster311@gmail.com
Rant specificly written for "The Dumpster."
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