Quit crying, you smelly bastards

Here's a situation that takes place everytime I'm at a social gathering. I'm usually just taking a look around, and all of a sudden I see some people outside who look like whiny little pricks. I usually decide to step outside and see why they look like such asswipes. Mostly due to scientific interest, since I am currently wrapped up in an experiment to find out why everybody sucks so much. When I finally hold back my urge to slap them silly and ask them, they all start crying about how it's unfair that nobody lets them smoke inside. And then I start laughing my ass off.

We've all encountered this type of smoker. Usually some kind of self-centered, faux-artistic crusader who constantly thinks everyone is personally out to get him. They're usually vegan too, which only makes them suckier. They always cry and bitch about how nobody lets them smoke anymore. About how everyone is just trying to be self-righteous because of the tobacco company. They always fail to see the truth. And the truth is that they are just smelly assholes. Cigarettes, cigars, pipes, and any other kind of tobacco smell like shit. That's all there is to it. We aren't trying to single you out, you're just a stinky shitbag. Get the fuck over it.

Whenever I try and tell them about how shitty they smell and that it's their own fucking fault that they have to go outside and be shunned like the stinky turd they are, they always act like they can't help it. "The nicotine has me addicted, I can't stop". Boo-hoo. As far as I'm concerened if you can't grow a pair of balls and tough it out until you don't smell like a puddle of rotten piss anymore, then you don't deserve to be around me in the first place.

Anybody can quit smoking if they actually want to. Nicotine is a pussy-ass excuse that should be burned away with the shit-eaters who use that ancient cop-out. As far as I'm concerened if you are going to voluntarily smell like Satan's own diarrhea, then you should voluntarily stay the fuck away from us good-smelling people and hang out with all the other stinky bastards until you learn how to quit being such a whiny pussy. End of fucking story.