The saga of Dr. Whoopass

I recently mentioned the most badass superhero ever in an entry about how much Silent Hill sucks. I recieved countless (one) questions about him. So here is his full story. My badass brother and I were recently reading about how much Lobo kicked ass, so we decided to create a superhero even more badass than Lobo. An hour later we emerged with the following biography: Dr. Whoopass was the son of a badass lumberjack and a boulder. That's right, his dad was so badass that he would only have sex with boulders for two reasons:

-He rated incredibly high on the colon-stomping scale

-His undoubtebly enormous penis would rip any oridnary woman in half.

When Dr. Whoopass was just a little boy he was only given lit sticks of dynamite to play with. This quickly turned him into one tough son of a bitch. For his 13th birthday, his dad surprised him by kicking him off a cliff and throwing 15 hatchets at him as he fell. When Dr. Whoopass was hungry, his dad would not give him food, but a toothpick, and send him out into the woods to hunt grizzly bears. If he brought home anything less than a 250 pound grizzly bear, his dad would beat him, stab him, and send him back out into the woods with only half a toothpick. Dr. Whoopass once headbutt an oncoming freight train just for pissing him off, and then he ate said train out of spite. His hobbies include eating rusty flaming knives, and spiking babies. In the time he spends not beating the ass of his arch-nemesis, Captain Hippy, he works for demolitons companies, smashing buildings with his face. The only reason he became a superhero was because he was tired of catching bullets with his heart, and he didn't wanna be hassled by The Man for dispensing ass beatings.

My brother and I intend to turn this into the greatest movie of all time. The movie will be nothing but him killing hippies, and generally destroying anything that pisses him off. Which is of course, everything.